Solitune Soul

Attending Fanime, anyone?

Tue, 21 May 2013 11:17:00 -0700

Are any of you attending Fanime this weekend in San Jose? Let me know! :D We should jazz hop the karaoke stage together. I tried to do that last year a bit, too. Yay, Fanime! :P

omg-relatable: Click here for more relatable!

Sun, 19 May 2013 20:53:48 -0700

omg-relatable:

Click here for more relatable!

So true. I wish some folks on Tumblr were my friends IRL because...

Fri, 10 May 2013 12:54:51 -0700

So true. I wish some folks on Tumblr were my friends IRL because the personas they portray are so much more intellectually stimulating and relatable more than most folks I see frequently in person. *sigh*

Chiruri 自主制作アニメ Beautiful composition with amazing, unique...

Mon, 06 May 2013 19:57:38 -0700

Chiruri 自主制作アニメ

Beautiful composition with amazing, unique animation and art. What is your interpretation of the story portrayed here?

Live Everyday.

Mon, 06 May 2013 07:33:57 -0700

I don’t want to live just for the weekends. I want to live everyday. Even when I work, I want to feel alive. I want to say “please” and “thank you” with the most sincere smile on my face. I want to be human in an environment around other humans… but why is it that sometimes, it feels like I am punished for being a human that does not do things perfectly? I want to live everyday so bad. But everyday is the same. I want everyday to be different but I don’t know how.

I wake up every weekday morning, tired, no matter how much sleep I get. I feel heavy, like my body knows deep inside it is not time to get up simply because it does not feel like it. But we force ourselves to do so, eventually.

The workday is repetitive. Say good morning to the same people. Get on the computer. Sit there for nearly 8 hours. Be confined to the desk. Some days are harder than others, dealing with people… some days are simple. Regardless, a work day never feels like my own. I feel like for those hours, I have sold my soul to someone else, because I come home exhausted trying to recollect my own thoughts and my own identity, trying to remember what it is I really want to do in life.

And then I come home… take the train, take the walk, trying to remember why I bother to work. I say it’s to pay bills, but I always wonder why those bills are so important if I barely use any of the things I pay for.

Then I get home. And I sit again… and most times I still don’t remember what I really want to do in life. I am too tired even though I sat on my ass all day. I’m mentally tired.

Sometimes I cook and clean. Sometimes I jog. But by the time I am done, there is no more time. It is time to sleep.

I want everyday to be different. Even if I do work, I want to feel the zen of the tasks and its peacefulness within the repetitiveness. When I come home from work, I don’t want to just wind down - I want an adventure. I want to go out and do something, or I want to stay home and create something (arts and crafts, music, etc).

If you’re a kid still in school, stay there for as long as you can and enjoy it. Later in life, you will realize that you will be fed information that makes you critically think. You will stop learning. And life will not seem to be so magical anymore. You won’t meet so many people anymore because you’re stuck with those you didn’t choose to work with. You won’t make friends every semester like you did in school Finding friends will be difficult because you will barely have time to have a social life. Just embrace what you have now. Maybe the assignments are hard and school is really challenging but that’s the beauty of it. You meet people and learn intellectually interesting things along the way. With work, for most jobs, everything just becomes repetitive yet necessary to “get by.” Make your life interesting.

Don’t become a robot. :/

I recently realized that the songs I write are things someone else told me and things I wish to...

Fri, 03 May 2013 09:24:21 -0700

I recently realized that the songs I write are things someone else told me and things I wish to believe in whole heartedly. I want to believe that I am strong and have overcome so much but all I can do is pretend I have… Though I’m actually not sure of myself…

I am so sensitive and vulnerable to the things that people think or say about me. I am ashamed to...

Thu, 02 May 2013 23:18:17 -0700

I am so sensitive and vulnerable to the things that people think or say about me. I am ashamed to admit how I let people’s thoughts of me ruin my day. I cannot control what you think of me. No matter what my action, there will be more than a thousand interpretations. Perhaps what brings me peace is that I know what is in my heart. No malice. But what if those who are selfish don’t know or realize that they are truly selfish? I want to know myself but I cannot. I am confused.

This is where music comes in… adding some clarity. Melodies and beats that somehow make life make sense without words.

When I try to write a poem or a song… I try to focus on what emotion is emitted through getting deep into the beat… It awakens a part of me that was asleep because of fear of scrutiny. I become open like a book and become open to sharing my story with others.

We all feel really intense emotions in our lives. Even if it may seem small to someone else, it does not matter. Our feelings carry us and can become so strong, swaying us to do things we would not do otherwise. Of course we feel alone in our emotions sometimes… how could someone who does not live our life ever understand how we feel?

But I guess, in the end, everything is merely just a matter of perception. You have to know yourself and look deep inside yourself to not get phased by the outside world.

rubyibarra: Ruby Ibarra - B.O.W. - Hate (Spoken Word) Filmed in...

Wed, 01 May 2013 21:48:20 -0700

rubyibarra:

Ruby Ibarra - B.O.W. - Hate (Spoken Word)

Filmed in San Roque, Quezon City, Philippines by Tabakk, Sinag de Jesus, & BLKD

There is a word that my 5 year old niece doesn’t know exists
It’s something she doesn’t battle with and it’s never escaped her lips
It’s a four letter, one syllable, simple word: HATE
Yet it carries so much historical, political, emotional weight
That ‘s shaped our beliefs, changed what we see, and made us envy
It’s made us blind to truths, to find excuse, caused lies and abuse
So our minds can’t choose, designed so we lose
Lose control of reality, lose trust, and lose ourselves
Like poisonous gas, it wraps around our lungs so we can’t breathe or yell for help
So she asks me, what is hate?
It’s made men turn on each other, cock the gun, and hold at gun point
It’s made scapegoats so we blame folks for our faults while our fingers point
It’s made innocent lives grow closed eyes while enclosed in a mask of lies
By making teenage girls cry because their body size will never suit your eyes
It’s made us wish we were someone else
Forced us into plastic surgeries, erasing cultural history
An urge of ideal imagery, a burglary of our own identity
It’s tricked us into believing that we’re too fat, too ugly, and not white enough
It racially profiles and forced people to sit in the back of the bus
It’s made men call women bitches who in turn call other women bitches
It’s burned bridges to the point where we don’t know which is wrong or right
It’s made us colorblind, only seeing black and white
Planting racism and bigotry, promoting racial tensions and fights
Again, she asks me, what is hate?
Its taught 18 year old boys how to use a gun
While on the same fields stands 5 year old children who are taught to shoot someone
It’s made victims of abusive fathers do the same to their own daughters
It’s made men boost their masculinity by exploiting another’s femininity
It’s built glass ceilings, internment camps, nooses, and “not allowed” signs
It’s raised narrow minded babies so maybe they’ll never see past their own kind
It controls the media and schools through propaganda
Teaching us the enemy while we don’t question or raise our hand up
Still, she asks me, what is hate?
It’s caused school shootings, injustice, rape, and genocide
It’s made innocent lives die and innocent mothers and wives cry
It screams of words: “FUCK YOU,” “BITCH,” “STUPID,” and “HOMO”
It’s what makes us laugh when we say “that’s gay” when we know its wrong though
Its written Jim Crow Laws, Indian Removal, and Asian Exclusion Acts
It’s enslaved our past while it engraves a cage in our path
It’s made categories of inferior and superior
Making us wish for another exterior
Making us unable to look into the mirror
It’s planted anger, depression, and fear
It’s 500 years of slavery and oppression
Parents failing to give their children direction
It’s confessions behind closed doors of elections, that politicians never mention
It’s literacy prevention, no Filipino Veterano pension
It’s stereotypes and 1-dimension, character inventions
All being fucked by White Supremacy’s erection
So what is HATE?
It’s something my 5 year old niece can’t feel
For her it’s a man-made social construct, so it isn’t real
It’s an empty word, insignificant, powerless, and nameless
Now I’m just waiting for the rest of the world to follow so we don’t know what hate is
Let’s no longer know what hate is!

Deep.

1 Year.

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 00:19:33 -0700

I decided to have a diet coke this Friday evening to stay up late because I rarely ever do so. And for the first time in a long time I spent some time with myself listening to music and crafting stuff. I have a folder full of unfinished lyrics and drafts of some vocals I recorded. And I just reflect and laugh at myself because I realize how much I’ve changed in just one year… changed from the depressed, sad self I used to be, into someone who sees the world a little differently. Of course, as humans, we’re always changing. Life itself is a never-ending process of some type of development. It fascinates me.

It’s so weird how you could be so crazy in love with someone for so long and then… realize how today you decided to stop caring to release yourself from the pain.

It’s amazing to realize you can truly love again.

It’s fascinating that you can look back at all your past actions and see how they made you who you are today.

And music is important in this such that… like a soundtrack for a movie, there’s a song associated to where I was in life. I remember what I was thinking and what was happening to me while reading some lyrics I wrote from last year to today.

It’s just… so interesting to see how you can grow.

Started jogging but I keep getting headaches the morning after. I also feel like throwing up. I...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 07:55:14 -0700

Started jogging but I keep getting headaches the morning after. I also feel like throwing up. I don’t run THAT hard. Sheesh. I have no other outlet, so sorry tumblr, I am posting something kind of pointless. lol

Why do we always feel so incomplete? Like something is missing? Always feeling inadequate…...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:14:57 -0700

Why do we always feel so incomplete? Like something is missing? Always feeling inadequate… lacking to the department of some idea we’ve made up in our heads, the idea sewn together with threads of both the outside world, our experiences, and our own thoughts? We’re never enough for something. And we’re always striving after something beyond reach even with it is within reach, a new standard is created. Never happy.

I’m fascinated with people who live out the certain lifestyle in which they are choose to be thankful for what they have rather than fret about what they are without. i admire that. i guess i’m always taking something for granted and it’s really making me unhappy. instead i am always unhappy about something.

of course, easier said than done.

but it’s something that should be practiced.

be thankful for what you have. do not complain for what you are without.

there are certain things you cannot change.

(i love writing down shit like i’m going to follow it… only to fall back into the hideous path of drowning in my self-created sorrows again… though, I hope to crawl out soon… with practice… the practice of thankfulness.)

A 7-Step Path to Enjoying Work | Becoming Minimalist

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 17:26:53 -0700

A 7-Step Path to Enjoying Work | Becoming Minimalist:

becomingminimalist:

Enjoying work has less to do with your actual job and more to do with your attitude towards it.

This is intriguing. Definitely keeping this in mind in life.

I had a stressful evening. In regards to my personal situation, I hope what went down helps me move...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 22:26:06 -0700

I had a stressful evening. In regards to my personal situation, I hope what went down helps me move a huge step closer to closing an unnecessary elongated chapter I’ve been living out. On to the new chapter, please.

Sometimes I wish I could go a day without wondering why life the way it is (and the fact of death)...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 12:07:19 -0700

Sometimes I wish I could go a day without wondering why life the way it is (and the fact of death) and overanalyzing everything as if it were some puzzle to be solved.

Sometimes I think, though, that this is why art exists… because we are motivated by wonders outside what is in front of us, outside the fabricated world that is molded by others for us, because we want to see if there’s more, we want to explore the depths of our mind, and translate it over to a canvas open to interpretation by others.

Some people consider somethings to be beautiful, and some would consider some of those same things as ugly. This is because we perceive things differently according to our own experiences. And I also think there are things deep inside of us that have little to no explanation that we know of.

I question things a lot and it can drive me nuts. Often times, I keep my thoughts to myself because even those closest to me may think I am crazy. I am isolated as is, why isolate myself more?

But in questioning life and death itself makes me enjoy my solitude because in my mind, I get to be within my own nature. Thinking whatever I please and creating things, drawing, writing, singing things out to no judge. Just me.

I am starting to enjoy my solitude a little more these days… more than I thought I would. And sometimes I think it may serve as a poison having all this alone time, yet it can also be my best friend. Solitude.

Solitune - Swan Music: Kuroisoul - さようなら I began to sing and...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 10:42:01 -0700

Solitune - Swan

Music: Kuroisoul - さようなら

I began to sing and talk awkardly into the mic as I listened to this song and just worked with it. This is what happens when you’re at a creativity roadblock sometimes I guess. It’s like… whaaa?

Working on lyrics.

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 09:32:49 -0700

And I have this terrible habit of starting a song and never finishing it… Like 10-15 songs… (explains why my “final” drafts are sooo short) Dooodeee… >_< Le sigh. I’ll get some done somehow! >_<

Minimalist family enjoying life.

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 07:33:00 -0700

Minimalist family enjoying life. :

“Nine months ago, we sold our house and almost everything in it to buy a boat and travel with our family of four. Our goal was to simplify, live closer to nature, and spend time with our children while they are still young and want to be around us. We felt that if we didn’t make a change, we would continue to spend our foreseeable future in a daily grind of work, school, homework, and chores. Brief vacations and other breaks would provide some relief but before we knew it, our young sons would be grown and gone and the majority of our lives would have been spent in an office.”

And one of the reasons I don’t want kids is that I would not have time. But if I had a kid, I’d love to have this kind of lifestyle where we could all actually live LIFE together and not some kind of rushed office life in which my kid would be grown up by the time I retire and would be too tired to spend time with them.

Life.

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 07:24:43 -0700

Life just seems kind of silly. The media and society tell us that we should be living a certain way and convince us into thinking that it’s the “right” way. Okay, so now I have a house, a car, and a job - but what for? This life is nearly so empty. I am at work and preparing for work more than I have time to myself. Fortunately my work day has gone from 8 to 7.5 but even so, counting in getting ready, commuting back and forth, and lunch time, it’s nearly 10 hours of my waking day committed to work.

As I woke up this morning wondering where my day went yesterday… wondering why the hell I didn’t have much fun or did much at all after work… coming home at 7pm and sleeping around 10:30pm so that I could have a good night’s rest… realizing that I pretty much only have 3 hours after work to spend leisurely… I just start to wonder if this house, this job, and this car is really worth having at just 3 hours of free time per weekday.

A good night’s rest and I’m still tired. I’m not sure why my body is still exhausted even though I’ve been getting at least 7 hours of sleep per night. Might be mental.

Ehh. First world problems. Maybe I just complain too much… but I seriously think the society needs to revamp their priority on work/jobs and more towards trying to contribute to increasing people’s quality of life, not quantity of materialistic accumulations, but in living and experiencing greater things.

"You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life."

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 22:59:28 -0700

““You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.””

- Winston Churchill.

Friends. Of convenience/Of Passion.

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 22:56:04 -0700

For the longest time, most of whom I have considered my friends were people who were convenient by way of geographical proximity or having gone to school with them. But in truth, we hold barely anything in common except for the fact that perhaps a few years ago back in grade school we had a class together and/or we know the same people (also from the same school) some way or another. And while these are not bad people at all, my true desire is to actually get in tune with other individuals who share my passion and interests. No longer can I really give way to nights sitting by drunkards and conversations I cannot contribute to (by lack of connection to the subject), always compromising myself so that I won’t have to feel alone for a day or so. I really have to be true to myself and have relationships with others in which we have a connection deeper than convenience. I can only go to clubs and bars so much but truth is, I’m not a dance-in-a-mini-skirt-and/or-have-alcohol-and-get-tipsy-or-drunk kind of gal. I’m a let’s-sit-on-a-hill-and-listen-to-mellow-beats-while-thinking-about-nothing-or-discussing-philosophy/art/society/etc. There’s a part of me just waiting to unwind to someone who might be a cool person who might want to discuss and share some of the same topics/passions and be an awesome friend. But because of the absence of such, I have mostly enjoyed my times of solitude. It’s not a bad thing either, but what I am trying to emphasize is my need to really stop hanging around people out of convenience and start dedicating my time to things I am sincerely interested in, so I won’t go insane.